The Motto is Still... Forward!

I have been in Chicago for seven months. It has been hard. About once a week I have said, "That's it. I'm out." I have discovered I am a nature lover. To me, seeing trees and open abandoned space heals my soul.

The constant sight of concrete does not.

I miss my car.  This confession makes me sound like a stupid American but I miss my car. I like having that quiet time in the morning. I don't like strangers sneezing in my ears and spooning me at 8:05 in the morning.  I like hearing birds, not sirens. The longer I am here, the more I crave the OBX.

I don't like walking down a street and seeing 700 fliers stapled to one light post. It clutters my mind. It makes me anxious. I don't like it.

So what now? What is the next step. I don't know. But, I know this. The motto is forward!

Lesson learned thus far: I am usually wrong.

k!

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater!

Do all men cheat? I'm not asking this to pass judgement, I'm asking this as a woman who struggles with internal fears that my future husband, whom I have not yet met, will one day grow tired of me and thus have an affair.  And if they don't cheat, do they all suffer from the same internal demons that make them want to act upon this desire at one point in their marriage?

I was just informed of the "rumors" of Brett Favre's infidelities. I don't know why I'm so taken aback by these new developments. It is not the first time a leading male athlete has sent dirty texts to a woman who was not his wife. But, really why do so many male athletes cheat? Because there are beautiful women dripping in the hotel rooms in every city? Because they know they can and get away with it? Because it makes them feel more manly to have "slayed" numerous women?  Because they feel society will love them more because of all their affairs?  Because women make it too easy?

I would really like to be a fly on a wall in Tiger Wood's therapy sessions. Not so I could point my judgement finger at him. But because I would really like to know the psychological issues going on inside that would cause a man who had everything to cheat.  And even if the answer is,
"because I know I could get away with it," I want to know more. There has to be a greater, deeper reason than that.

I'm not a man, therefor I don't have the internal makeup of a man. I don't know what internal demons they struggle with and I don't know what urges they battle and must control. So, I will keep this post small. But having heard this news today, all this makes me wonder...Do all men cheat? And if not, do all men at one point or another, struggle with the desire to want to cheat?

The Lookingglass Theatre Company

The Lookingglass Theatre Co.

A week ago, I started my 3-month internship with The Lookingglass Theatre Company.  I will be working in the Development and Fundraising department. I learned about this theater company through all my various trips to and from Chicago over the last few months. Ironically, I said to my friend Steph a few months ago that I wanted to do what she does, which is fundraising for a hospital, but do it for film or theater. And now, low and behold, I find myself every Monday and Tuesdays, on the 22nd floor of the Hancock Building on Michigan Avenue, which is the HQ for The Lookingglass Theatre Compnay.

I have been a fan of the theater arts for a long time.  I studied theater in college and was in a play or two. So, I could take this opportunity to discuss my unhappiness over how many arts programs through out our nation's schools are being cut, but I won't.  I could talk about the importance of having good art programs in your neighborhoods and communities, but I won't. What I will talk about is the good that can come from art.

The Lookingglass was co-founded by David Schwimmer, a.k.a Ross off "Friends".  Last year, The Lookingglass performed one of his plays he co-wrote called "Trust".  I won't go into all the details of the play, but the play takes on the issues of rape, on-line predators, and the repercussions of what rape does to the victim, what it does to the victim's family and the hardship and utter brokenness it brings to everyone involved. After each production, The Lookingglass, had counsellors waiting outside the auditorium doors and any and all patrons who felt they needed to talk to one of these counsellors could for free. And I am told, that after each performance of "Trust",  many young females and or families took the opportunity to talk to these counselors. This is beautiful to me because they might have never talked about their experience had they not gone to see "Trust". Or rather, not felt the freedom to do so had they not gone to a play that openly discussed such a hard issues, their issues.  After hearing about this, I was so proud to be part of this company.

This is what art can do. It can bring out into the light the things we don't want to talk about, but needs to be talked about. It can be a voice for those who don't feel they have one. And if done correctly, it can provide help and a place of shelter and healing.

So, when you are thinking about what to do on a Friday or Saturday night, I urge you to consider the theatre. I’m not asking you to even go, I am simply asking you to consider the theater. That is it!

Lesson learned this week: There IS beauty in everything.

K!

Chicago 365

Chicago 365

CHICAGO 365

Week 1: Giving Chicago 365 days

I have recently moved to Chicago, Il.  Because of the kindness of my bro’s bff,  I am camping out in his living room and my address is P.O. Box Couch.

People keep asking me how long I plan on living out here.  I don’t know.  If someone had told me a year ago I would be living in Chicago in 2010,  I would have looked at him or her and said, “ Eh, I don’t know about that.” But the doors kept opening up here, and I walked through them.  So, I don’t know how long I will be here.

But here is what I do know: God has given me a second chance.  We all wish at some point or another that we could get up, move and leave our former lives behind.  In a way,  I have received that opportunity.  With out going into too much detail, for the last 5-6 years I have not been in a good place –at all- in any aspect of my life.  If you had cut me open, you would have found Pandora’s box of hell! Seriously!  But that box is no more, and I am starting new. 

I will not waste this second chance. I will not take for granted this “re-birth”.  I will not allow that former life to creep back in, even though I know it will fight like hell to do so. I will learn. I will grow.  I will challenge myself.  I will not allow my comfort zone to be my god.  I will accept my shortcomings, my faults, and my sicknesses. I will trust. I will embrace. I will help. I will pay it forward because I don’t have the funds to pay it back to all the people who have helped me over the years. I will stand in awe and be amazed.  I will find beauty.  I will accept that this is my temporary home and that things will not be perfect here.  I will embrace the passions within. I will create. I will  accept that life is a beast that cannot be tamed.  I will open my heart.
I will press on.  I will encourage.  I will trust.  I will let go.

I will allow myself to fall in-love again.

I will love.

So what have I learned this week? Do it afraid.

Until next week.

K!